In Fear

(50) وَ كَانَ مِنْ دُعَائِهِ عَلَيْهِ السَّلَامُ فِي الرَّهْبَةِ

1. اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ خَلَقْتَنِي سَوِيّاً ، وَ رَبَّيْتَنِي صَغِيراً ، وَ رَزَقْتَنِي مَكْفِيّاً،

   O God, Thou created me without fault, nurtured me when small, and provided me with sufficiency.

2. اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي وَجَدْتُ فِيمَا أَنْزَلْتَ مِنْ كِتَابِكَ ، وَ بَشَّرْتَ بِهِ عِبَادَكَ أَنْ قُلْتَ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ، إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعاً ، وَ قَدْ تَقَدَّمَ مِنِّي مَا قَدْ عَلِمْتَ و مَا أَنْتَ أَعْلَمُ بِهِ مِنِّي ، فَيَا سَوْأَتَا مِمَّا أَحْصَاهُ عَلَيَّ كِتَابُكَ

   O God, I found in the Book which Thou sent downand through which Thou gave good news to Thy servants, that Thou said, O My servants who hare been prodigal against yourselves, do not despair of God's mercy, surely God forgives all sins, but there has gone ahead from me what Thou knowest(and of which Thou knowest more than I)! O the shame of what Thy Book has counted against me!

3. فَلَوْ لَا الْمَوَاقِفُ الَّتِي أُؤَمِّلُ مِنْ عَفْوِكَ الَّذِي شَمِلَ كُلَّ شَيْ‏ءٍ لَأَلْقَيْتُ بِيَدِي ، وَ لَوْ أَنَّ أَحَداً اسْتَطَاعَ الْهَرَبَ مِنْ رَبِّهِ لَكُنْتُ أَنَا أَحَقَّ بِالْهَرَبِ مِنْكَ ، وَ أَنْتَ لَا تَخْفَى عَلَيْكَ خَافِيَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَ لَا فِي السَّمَاءِ إِلَّا أَتَيْتَ بِهَا ، وَ كَفَى بِكَ جَازِياً ، وَ كَفَى بِكَ حَسِيباً .

   Were it not for the placeswhere I expectantly hope for Thy pardon, which enfolds all things, I would have thrown myself down [in despair]! Were anyone able to flee from his Lord, I would be the most obligated to flee from Thee! But not a secret in earth and heaven is concealed from Thee, except that Thou bringest it. Thou sufficest as a recompenser! Thou sufficest as a reckoner!

4. اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّكَ طَالِبِي إِنْ أَنَا هَرَبْتُ ، وَ مُدْرِكِي إِنْ أَنَا فَرَرْتُ ، فَهَا أَنَا ذَا بَيْنَ يَدَيْكَ خَاضِعٌ ذَلِيلٌ رَاغِمٌ ، إِنْ تُعَذِّبْنِي فَإِنِّي لِذَلِكَ أَهْلٌ ، وَ هُوَ يَا رَبِّ مِنْكَ عَدْلٌ ، وَ إِنْ تَعْفُ عَنِّي فَقَدِيماً شَمَلَنِي عَفْوُكَ ، وَ أَلْبَسْتَنِي عَافِيَتَكَ .

   O God, surely Thou wouldst seek me if I fleeand catch me if I run. So here I am before Thee, abject, lowly, abased. If Thou chastisest me, I am worthy of that, and it would be, my Lord, an act of justice from Thee. But if Thou pardonest me, anciently has Thy pardon enfolded meand Thy well-being garmented me!

5. فَأَسْأَلُكَ اللَّهُمَّ بِالْمَخْزُونِ مِنْ أَسْمَائِكَ ، وَ بِمَا وَارَتْهُ الْحُجُبُ مِنْ بَهَائِكَ ، إِلَّا رَحِمْتَ هَذِهِ النَّفْسَ الْجَزُوعَةَ ، وَ هَذِهِ الرِّمَّةَ الْهَلُوعَةَ ، الَّتِي لَا تَسْتَطِيعُ حَرَّ شَمْسِكَ ، فَكَيْفَ تَسْتَطِيعُ حَرَّ نَارِكَ ، وَ الَّتِي لَا تَسْتَطِيعُ صَوْتَ رَعْدِكَ ، فَكَيْفَ تَسْتَطِيعُ صَوْتَ غَضَبِكَ

   So I ask Thee, O God, by Thy names stored in Thy treasury5and Thy splendour masked by the veils! If Thou hast no mercy upon this anxious souland these uneasy, decaying bones -he cannot endure the heat of Thy sun, so how can he endure the heat of Thy Fire? He cannot endure the sound of Thy thunder, so how can he endure the sound of Thy wrath?

6. فَارْحَمْنِيَ اللَّهُمَّ فَإِنِّي امْرُؤٌ حَقِيرٌ ، وَ خَطَرِي يَسِيرٌ ، وَ لَيْسَ عَذَابِي مِمَّا يَزِيدُ فِي مُلْكِكَ مِثْقَالَ ذَرَّةٍ ، وَ لَوْ أَنَّ عَذَابِي مِمَّا يَزِيدُ فِي مُلْكِكَ لَسَأَلْتُكَ الصَّبْرَ عَلَيْهِ ، وَ أَحْبَبْتُ أَنْ يَكُونَ ذَلِكَ لَكَ ، وَلَكِنْ سُلْطَانُكَ اللَّهُمَّ أَعْظَمُ ، وَ مُلْكُكَ أَدْوَمُ مِنْ أَنْ تَزِيدَ فِيهِ طَاعَةُ الْمُطِيعِينَ ، أَوْ تَنْقُصَ مِنْهُ مَعْصِيَةُ الْمُذْنِبِينَ .

   So have mercy upon me, O God, for I am a vile manand my worth is little. Chastising me will not add the weight of a dust mote to Thy kingdom. Were chastising me something that would add to Thy kingdom, I would ask Thee for patience to bear itand would love for it to belong to Thee; but Thy authority, my God, is mightier, and Thy kingdom more lasting, than that the obedience of the obeyers should increase itor the disobedience of the sinners diminish it!

7. فَارْحَمْنِي يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ ، وَ تَجَاوَزْ عَنِّي يَا ذَا الْجَلَالِ وَ الْإِكْرَامِ ، وَ تُبْ عَلَيَّ ، إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيمُ .

   So have mercy upon me, O Most Merciful of the merciful! Show me forbearance, O Possessor of majesty and munificence! And turn toward me, Surely Thou art Ever-turning, All-compassionate!